I’ve been married a year, but I still haven’t figured out a decent way to sign my new last name. The beginning “E” is legible, but that’s it. I normally scribble the rest. I try to make the scribbles look similar to the last time I scribbled my name on some important form, but I’ve not always been successful. Luckily nobody has raised the issue yet. My biggest problem is the cursive “z”. It’s not my fault my elementary teachers said cursive was going out of style! To my generation, typing is more important than cursive skills. Anyway, today I practiced signing my name. I think I need to work on it some more.

1. When he is gone, I’m very unmotivated to cook anything nice. I’d rather save my efforts for a night I’m fixing food for someone else to enjoy.
2. When I do cook, it’s only once for the entire week. Food lasts longer when Jason is gone and is eaten in a flash when he is home.

This week, Jason left on Saturday and returns Friday night. I cooked a large, “serves six” Chicken Tetrazzini on Sunday and have been eating on it ever since. Sure, I’m getting tired of it, but it’s just so easy and at least it’s a more substantial meal than a sandwich.

When I’m preparing a meal for someone else, I feel I have a responsibility to provide something nutritious and desirable. I don’t feel the same kind of responsibility to myself. Maybe I’m wrong to feel that way. First Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” I’ve been telling myself that I owe it to God and myself to eat well and that I should make the effort to create a full balanced meal. But I’m not there yet.

I don’t like golf. My dad is an enthusiast and tried to teach me when I was 14, but I didn’t have the interest. Jason recently has rekindled his passion for the game, so as our anniversary neared, he strongly hinted (okay, he told me) he wanted a travel bag for his golf clubs. We stopped by Sports Authority for him to check out their products, but instead of leaving with his anniversary gift, we left with mine.

“Let’s see how much you really love me,” he said. Then he pointed at a complete set of women’s golf clubs. “Oooooh, they’re purple. They’re so pretty,” he said.

I stood there silent for a long time. I processed: I am not interested in golf. If I were to try to play, it would take a long time to become decent, and anyway, it’s an expensive and time-consuming hobby. It’s a sport that doesn’t help you stay fit, and it’s not always convenient to get to a course. BUT … I hadn’t seen Jason that excited in a long time. And I was touched that he loves me enough to want to share that hobby with me. Many men use golf as a means to escape from their wives for a while. But my husband loves me and wants more shoulder time with me.

I said okay.

So on our anniversary, we headed to the driving range for my first lesson from Jason. He now has his gift, too, and all I’m left wondering is how much golf I’ll be playing this year.

Tom Cruise and Renee Zellweger in Jerry Maguire

While I think romance is fun and it’s important to have loved ones in our lives, I say this quote is a sham. It’s a ridiculous – though prevalent – idea that the most important thing is to find “the one” who will help us make sense of life.

I’ll admit; if I watched the show myself I probably would have gotten swept away with the sweet words and idolatry of relationships that these chic flicks emanate. Instead, I heard a pastor talk about the movie, and I agree with what he said. The men in our lives CANNOT fulfill us. My husband will fail me and wound me, just as I will fail and wound him, because we are both imperfect. To expect him to complete me would put a pressure on him that he is unable to sustain, and in turn resentment will arise in me towards him for being unable to do what he was never created to do. Unrealistic expectations are poisonous to our relationship.

I must put my hope in God. Jesus defines me. My strength and purpose come from Him. Not Jason. I’ve been married 11 months now, and I’ve seen my husband mess up a lot already. I’m often tempted to put Jason on a pedestal in that I look up to him and expect much from him. The truth is he can’t love me perfectly. He will never love me as much as I want to be loved. It would be disappointing except for the fact that I AM loved perfectly by God. I may not always experience depth and intimacy with Jason, but I have it whenever I want with Jesus.

I pray that I will always value my relationship with Christ more than with my man.

 Last week, this week, and next week it will happen again: Jason is gone Monday through Friday with his national sales manager job. I knew it was coming. I’ve accepted it. And it’s fine. For now (but I’m not going to deal with this long term).

 Jason has been excited about the chance to fly around, see new cities, stay in nice hotels, and meet other insurance people. I’m sure it beats his old cubicle! He’s already seen New Orleans, Kansas City, Birmingham, and more. I love traveling so I wish I could go along with him and explore while he works. But my job is here in Houston and someone has to watch after the dog.

My brother figured I was dealing with the distance well because dad was constantly gone flying airplanes for Delta as we grew up. That might be part of it. More so, I credit the fact that for two years Jason and I dated long-distance. Our relationship was built on phone conversations. Jason said on the phone last week that it felt like we were dating again.

 Of course I prefer for him to be home. But I’m okay for now. I’m getting a lot accomplished, and I’ve been bonding with the dog. I imagine after a few more months of this I’ll grow tired of it and want my man home with me. We’ll see.

 So here’s an open question: How do you cope when your husband is away? Do you love the alone time or do you miss him terribly? Do either of you do something sweet for each other? How do you end up spending your evenings?

There’s so much I could talk about, but I’m going to break down the past month into bite-sized pieces so I can get through with it and move on with my life.

Moved: At the end of January Jason and I moved into a one bedroom apartment in the Upper Kirby area of Houston. Jason was offered a great new job in his hometown, and we were happy to get back to the city. We’re in a great location, within a mile from each of our workplaces, and within walking distance of NINE Mexican restaurants!

Houston: It’s so great being close to friends and family. We’re really happy. We’ve gotten back into teaching swing dancing, and we’ve enjoyed going to the Farmers Market each weekend.

New Job: I sent an email to a nearby Bed and Breakfast owner about how I was looking for a job, and she immediately called saying she just lost her breakfast chef. (Some might say coincidence, but I know better.) The following Monday I began work at 6:30 am, and I really like it! I enjoy cooking and entertaining, and I’ve learned a lot already. My boss is awesome, the guests are friendly, and we have a group of regulars I see each week. I’ll soon be an expert muffin and omelet maker.

Certified: I recently got certified in CPR and now I’m studying to be a group fitness instructor. I enjoy aerobic classes and want to spread the love!

Marathon: For Valentine’s Day we went to Austin to run the marathon. Back in November, when we registered for the event, it sounded like a good idea. I had just finished my first half-marathon and thought I’d train up in time for the 26.2 miles in February. With moving and cold weather and plain laziness, I didn’t end up training well. Neither did Jason, so we decided to change to the half-marathon … but it was too late to officially change. Our bibs would say we were marathon runners, but we planned on just running the half. Well, that is what I thought I would do. Until mile six. At mile six on race day I felt pretty good. By mile ten, when the marathon runners split from half-marathon runners, I still felt fine and figured that if there’s any time in my life I would be able to run a marathon without training and without feeling too much pain afterwards, it would be now. Plus, I didn’t want to run another event ever again and I felt like I should do at least one marathon in my life. So I kept going. It was tough, but I forced myself to run the entire way (except during water breaks where I walked). I finished in 4 hours and 25 minutes. I’m glad that’s over and done!

Car Wreck: On Friday a huge semi truck decided to pull into my lane without noticing me, and after he hit the left rear end of my car I was sent flying uncontrollably across the road and into the grass median. It’s because of God’s mercy I didn’t hit anyone in the process. My car is messed up but drivable, and I didn’t get hurt. This was my first wreck ever. Frustratingly, the truck driver lied to the police so the report doesn’t place the blame on either of us and I’ll have to pay for my own damages. I’m counting my blessings, though, because I should have come out of the wreck much worse.

That’s all for now. More married life stuff coming soon!’

I love the city! Bunmi came with me to a freelance gig at a fashion event where I noted what attendees were wearing and took pictures. We scored goodie bags on the way out. Fun times!

I think that stinks. Now, I love being married to my husband, and I’m pretty sure preserving our relationship is worth sacrificing my desires at times, but I thing things would be better if he just did what I want all the time. Unfortunately, he doesn’t.

For example, I really did not want to move to Brownsville. I disliked the idea so much I cried. My heart was set on Houston. But Jason moved to Brownsville so I relented, asked God to change my heart, and followed my fiancé to the border. A year later, this town has grown on me and I know there’s purpose for us being here. It’s been a good first 8 months of marriage, but I still prefer living in Houston.

So when Jason got offered a good job back in the big city, it wasn’t too hard of a decision. Wanting to make the right choice, we prayed and debated the pros and cons for a while, but we both agreed the timing, job prospects, family, friends, and resources in Jason’s hometown made it an obvious yes. So we stared collecting boxes, and yesterday I gave the principal my two weeks notice.

This time, we are both completely on board with the move. It won’t always be that way. I guess that’s one of the reasons they warned us marriage would be hard. But it’s worth it. Goodbye Brownsville, Hello Houston!

What I'll miss most about Brownsville are my church friends.

My beary-sweet nativity scene

“It feels like Christmas!” I said happily on December 5^th. It was not because I was getting in the mood for Christmas by baking peanut butter blossom cookies and listening to holiday music, though I was. Rather, it felt as though I was unwrapping lots of new gifts just like I usually do on December 25^th. In reality I was pulling off the newspaper that was protecting Christmas decorations coming out of a box from storage. 

First came the nativity scenes, and then the Christmas bear figurines, a single box of Christmas lights, ten fragile tree ornaments, and lastly my collection of musical snow globes.

Though received in the past year, much of the stuff was new. Even the snow globes my dad has given to me each year since I was a child had a sense of newness. I had never had a place of my own to decorate for the Christmas season. In college I didn’t bother with it, but now I am married and have not only an apartment but also the feeling of a wifely responsibility to make our place cheery and warm.

I don’t think we’ll have a tree this year. Our apartment is small, and I don’t know where we’d put it. I’m even tempted to wait for the sales on the day after Christmas to buy our first set of stockings. Would it really ruin the day to pull out wrapped presents from the closet instead of from under a tree or in a stocking? I don’t think so. Besides, the focus is on Jesus and His Christmas presence, not Christmas presents. With that in mind, I say Merry Christmas to YOU and ask you to share your thoughts on Christmas decorations.

My sister-in-law hosted our family Thanksgiving meal. She's a great cook!

For our first Thanksgiving as a married couple, my parents were kind enough to meet us in Houston at my brother’s house instead of ask us to drive the ten hour trip to their home. Houston is a halfway point between our home and their home. It is also the home to my husband’s family, so it was an all-around convenient and kind thing for my family to do.

It was the first time in my life I was not in my childhood home to watch the Macy’s Day Parade and binge on food. But it did not feel sad because I was still with my closest loved ones. Besides, I remember last year when I got to be with my parents and siblings but not see my then-fiancé for the holidays, and that was sad. So I guess I couldn’t ask for much more.

I even got two Thanksgiving meals. One with my family, and one with Jason’s. That’s how we worked it out this year. My family got us Thursday and Friday, and then we drove over to his parents’ house for Saturday and Sunday. I count my blessings because I have friends whose both sets of parents are divorced and live in four different states. Choosing which family to see has to be rough.

So that’s the topic of discussion. How do you decide which families to visit on holidays and in what order – if you visit at all?

We Finished!

We did it. After months of training, my husband finished his first marathon, and I ran my first half marathon. Last weekend ten of our friends and we headed to San Antonio to put our bodies through a painful experience. It was fun and miserable at the same time.

Overall, I say the weekend was fun. The expo had a lot of tasty samples of energy bars, protein drinks, and even beer. Our group went to see the movie 2012, and we had dinner at the Magic Time Machine, a restaurant in which the wait staff dresses as fictional characters and harasses their customers. (Our waitress was Lara Croft.) We woke up ridiculously early, and joined the excitement at the starting line.

For me, things were dandy until about mile eight.  The last 5.1 miles were not as fun as I sucked in oxygen and continued to dodge around the slow people in front of me. Seriously, people who are not very fast should not start at the front of the group. The last two miles were the worst because I kept thinking the finish line was just around the corner … but no.

I finished the 13.1 miles eventually, though – in 2 hours, 3 minutes, and 56 seconds to be exact. I averaged a 9:28 mile, which is about  what I expected. After I rested a bit and talked about the course with my fellow finishing friends, I got to scream for Jason as he neared the finish line or the full marathon. I’m very proud of him.

We had different feelings after the race, though. I was glad I did it, but I would be fine to never run in an event again. He, on the other hand, is now hooked and was immediately talking about us running the Austin marathon in February. Oh goodness, what have I gotten myself into?

Have any of you gotten hooked on something like this … or have a spouse that gets excited easily? I’m wondering if this is a phase or if I should resign to the fact and buy him a subscription to Runners World. Training for marathons takes a lot of time, and if I want to share more time with him, it looks like I’ll have to keep up with his running addiction. Well, at least this is a positive, healthy hobby. No one can say that either of us gained weight after getting married!